Adventures With Yowah and Onecorn

Ok, so I've been meaning to write this down for days.. a week.. whatever. I've been busy and just really didn't feel like doing it because frankly I don't remember half of what happened that day. What I do remember is the funny parts. (This will have pictures... oh and Jess I know you just said "oh no.." in that tone you use when you know I'm about to do something insane or really stupid. lol)

So Friday about a week or two ago, I woke up to a wonderful day. Barely able to talk. Terrible head cold. The works. But that wasn't going to get me down because I was going to pick my sister's friend up. Onecorn. The next day we were going to pick Emily up and go the fair. Ok so you're probably thinking "This is about them going to the fair.." No. That is another story completely.
This is all about what Yowah and Onecorn did that night... It's amazing how many things can happen in one night.

So around 11:30 we left Hardy's and started on the 30 mile trip to the next town. My toes were freezing and I turned on the heater because smart me decided to wear flip flops and there's an air vent right over the gas pedal in the car... After a few minutes I finally started getting feeling back in my toes. That's when Yowah decides "It's getting hot in here." She reaches over and turns the air on full blast. When the cold air hit my foot I started ridding on that bumpy line on the edge of the road. I popped her hand and turned the heater back on and told her not to touch it. Of course she didn't listen so after a few minutes of fussing we turned the vent to my poor frost bitten toes off.
Once in the busy busy BUSY city we took the back roads to get to the hospital where we were meeting Onecorn. Why you may ask were we meeting her at the hospital? Oh just because her brother in law drives the coroners van! I know it's weird but I thought that was the coolest thing ever. He used to call it the "meat truck" apparently and since I don't know what else to call it and I can't be fired from the morgue I will call it the meat truck. My sister slowly started telling me about this mystical "Sam" who drives the meat truck... I wanted to meet him. But Onecorn said no. So we are sitting in the parking lot to the health clinic and texting her. She said "I'll be there in a few minutes." so we wait. And wait.... and wait... finally she asked where we were. Instead of being normal and noting all the pregnant woman walking around, we both told her "By a tree". It wasn't even a big tree. It was a tiny, shrimpy little twig tree. You couldn't see it with a magnify glass. She texts back That we are in Mississippi, there are a lot of trees. So Yowah tells her we are near the car park... Which isn't normal for an American to say unless you've been watching Way to much Doctor Who and Sherlock... and other BBC shows... this confuses Onecorn because she watches no BBC... ever.. she doesn't like British guys for some reason. (Which, by the way Onecorn if your reading this, That is a sin) So she calls and tells Yowah that they are pulling into one of the parking lots. Right then I see this massive green truck with a lot of happy people on the side and in big blue letters says "We Deliver!" I'm sitting there like... "Uh... that's morbid don't you think?" After a few minutes of sitting there thinking "Why would they paint a meat truck like that? It's like 'Hey your uncle is dead! We'll deliver the body to the going away party!" And then it hits me, That's not the van... So Yowah gets out of the car and stands nearly in the middle of the road. Finally a white van pulls up. Onecorn is in the front seat. I wave at Sam, But the stick in the mud didn't wave back.
So everyone gets back in the car and she asks us why we didn't tell her we were surrounded by pregnant ladies... I had no answer. I was too busy laughing insanely at the big green truck cause it finally hit me, "I just thought that was a corners van."

So we start to drive home. I stop at a gas station because I'm starving and it's like 1:45. There's this blue stuff all over the sidewalk and Yowah is wanted to pick some up and eat it to see if it was cat litter... Thankfully she didn't. When we get back into the car I slam my purse into Onecorn who decided at the health clinic that she had to sit in the middle of the seat, totally blocking my rear view mirror. It's normally where I throw my purse. To get "pay back" she put on my new jacket and poked my face as I was driving.
So the car ride home was really loud and had a lot of weird conversations that I cannot remember... When we get home we only have a few minutes because we have to go and babysit my cousin Bella until our uncle came home. So we show her around. First was Yowah's rainbow room.. Lots of toys. A little kids dream room. Cept remember they are older then me. So then I show her my room... the steam punk smart kid room... with weapons in the closet... She didn't believe me so I pull out a sword. (Don't ask.) She starts playing with it, and in fear of loosing my head (Or favorite chair) I take the sword and put it back and hand her something a little less threatening... A baseball bat. Within a few minutes she had slammed it into my wall... I decided it was time to go outside... Yowah had found a hammock I had forgotten I had and I gave it to them so they would get out. They played with it a while before we had to leave to go to my Uncles.

We get there and Bella isn't home from school yet. We just sit outside by the pool. I find a dead frog in the pool and just keep poking it with a stick the whole time.... Yowah and Onecorn on the other hand played Avengers. Yowah is Captain America, Onecorn is the Hulk, I am Iron Man, and Emily is Thor. So Hulk got mad and started throwing rocks at Yowah... Not just normal rocks. That wouldn't be too interesting now would it? She threw massive rocks. Slabs of concrete that had been smashed off the side of the in ground pool by a tree. I thought it was hilarious... Then she grabbed a toilet brush and chased Yowah into the car where she locked the doors. Well apparently Hulk didn't like that so she put a trash can on the hood of the car... Which somehow set the car alarm off... Remember we are in the middle of town... it went off for like 5 minutes. Hulk came over and sat by me and we laughed at Yowah trying to figure out how to turn the alarm off. After a while she does... They return to throwing rocks and chasing each other. The car comes into the picture again... alarm goes off for the second time. Once again me and Hulk sit there and watch Yowah freak out...
After that we decided to just sit on the steps. There were some flowers on the steps and I wanted a picture of Onecorn with them so I asked her... She picked the flowers up and hugged them... This is the picture I got:

See? I wasn't lying. My friends are just that insane.

So when Bella finally gets there and we go inside. She goes up to change and we stay in the kitchen because she always has a snack after school. So... while we are waiting, Onecorn finds this hat thing... it's from some TV show Bells watches. So of course she puts it on.. I come back in the room and find her posing. So I snap a pic...

So I go to get Bells cause I knew she would laugh her head off if she walked in and found this happening. I leave again and come back to find her laying on the bench thing by the window looking all depressed... I dunno why, I can't remember if I even asked. But I did take another picture.

It's a tough life being Onecorn... sometimes you just gotta sit down and think about it... Bella seemed pretty amused anyway. After a few hours of Dr. Who and more strange things which I can barely remember now but I do remember her screaming and running from their cat Toby... I don't know why...

After our Uncle got home we went back home and I sent them to get food. I'm glad I didn't go because this post would take forever to write. (like it isn't already, Thanks you two) So they come home with pizza and stories about scaring little children or something like that and after eating we go our separate ways... Meaning I went into my room and locked the door to keep the crazy bat swinging peoples out and watched TV.

About an hour later I get a text from Yowah to come to her room. So I go in there and she asks me what I did to Onecorn. Of course I have no idea what she's talking about. I still don't. All I know is she stopped talking to Yowah. She would talk to me though... After a few minutes of sitting there not talking to Yowah they kind of went a little... crazy... They put on hats and well... Just look for yourself..

 They stayed like this for a while... Till the meteor shower started at like 12am. That's when we went outside. After a few minutes Yowah went back inside and went to bed. Onecorn and I stayed up for about an hour. The shower didn't start till 1 and we were in bed by then but  I did see 3. But Onecorn? She missed them. All three of them. And she was looking in the direction of them.. It was an epic fail. But that's why we love her! Giving me blog posts for years to come... Cheers! Stay tuned for my next post "A Day at the Fair" will include more pictures and more stories! ~Laters!

Adventures With Yowah! (Again!)

Whoever says nothing happens when grocery shopping is wrong. Dead Wrong. Tons of things happen to my sister and I everyday! Like what? Well...

Our drive there was normal. Nothing really weird happened  besides we followed a milk truck... It had a huge cow head on the side. MASSIVE. And it was starring at me the whole time... Talk about creepy. I can see them making a moovie out of it... Oh... that was a bad joke.. I'm sorry.

We found a great parking spot near the front. I only parked there to mess with Yowah. This guy had the doors of his car open, wide open. He was standing beside it reading the newspaper. Blocking like half of the really good parking spot. I start to pull in the spot and the guy looks up for a few seconds and then goes right back to reading his paper. This is when I started semi-yelling:

Me: "What the crap!? You see me about to take off your doors and you go back to reading? Just shut the door dude! You can open it right back up and we can all be happy! Well if your gonna be like that then I'm going to take it that you want me to take those doors off! Dude, you don't know me. I will take those doors off. Snap 'em right off! Ok! Fine!"

This is when I slowly pulled in. He kept looking up at me and then back down like he really didn't care. So I kept getting closer.. and closer... Girl in the front seat shut hers, but he kept his open. So I kept going. I was a few inches away when the guy finally notices I'm not stopping. He shuts the door almost angrily. I felt like a champion for two seconds as I stepped out of the car and strolled up to the store. That's when Yowah asks, "Did you lock it?" We weren't out of earshot yet. I could see the guy laughing. But I had locked it so I kept walking.
We get inside the store and I need to go to the paint section, On the way there I bump Yowah and shock her. She was pushing the cart. Instead of stopping like a normal person, she kept going while she was looking down at her arm chewing me out. Suddenly there's a loud bang and I look up to see she had rammed the cart into the side of one of the rows. Really. Really. Hard. You'd think we'd get lucky and there would be no people around. You don't know us at all do you? There were people everywhere. Stopping and looking at us. I started laughing insanely. I was impressed she didn't knock it over!
Slowly she walks away like nothing happened. You know that walk you do when you've just really messed up and you're trying to act like you are the Queen of Egypt? That's what she was trying to do. I was making jokes.

Somewhere along the way I lost her. I get to the stain and she is not behind me. No idea where she went. I get the stain and start retracing my steps. Finding her is like finding a fat kid in a Twinkies factory. Not gonna happen. I'm just about to call her when I see her. I wave at her and she looks at me like I'm retarded and keeps walking. I walk to the next row where she went and shes not there. I go back to the row she was on and as I round the corner she rams me with the cart.
I asked her where she went off too and she never really gave me an answer. So she could have gone to Narnia for all I know.

So we move on to shopping. Everything is going good and we are almost done when one of the walmart employees walks up to us with a box in his hands. He says (And I'm not kidding here) "Do you like sausage?" I keep a straight face and act like I didn't hear him. Yowah stops and turns around... I left her.
She catches back up to me and chews me out for walking off like that. I told her she should have kept walking. But she didn't want to be 'rude'... creepy old man holding a box of sausage, if you are reading this, please find another way of saying that.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. Maybe one day we will have a boring normal trip to the store.. (HA! Like that'll happen.)
Laters!

Of Shaved Toes and Nail Polish

My Mother has two poms. If you have been following all the other posts, you should know this. At times we end up having to wash them. No big deal... until I decided... we should paint the dogs toe nails. Not that I'm into that sort of cruelty I just thought it would be funny. Now remember. These are Pomeranians. They are really REALLY fluffy.
I was just holding the dog. It was Yowah who decided the fate of poor Rue.

She tried to paint her nails by pushing the hair on her feet back. But it didn't really work. So her brilliant idea...
"Bring me the scissors!"

As you can tell this is all going down hill. Fast. I stupidly hand her the scissors and she proceeds to butcher the hair on poor Rues feet. I feel so bad because now her pretty little feet... are nightmarish... I'm sure the hair will grow back. Till then she will have to live with her neon orange toes...

The Picture

There is this picture. It's been hanging up for years. I don't know how old it is. I was probably 10 or so, or at least I look about ten.. I might have been 12. Either way this picture has been just hanging there. I don't really notice it anymore. But for some reason today, my sister brought it up at lunch.
It's a family portrait. It was Christmas I know because there is a tree in the back ground so there is a very big chance everyone I know has this picture somewhere as a card or something.

Anyway, as we sat the table my sister brought up how everyone in the picture is making this horrible face. It's the horse face you make when your laughing or trying not to laugh... I have the biggest smile on my face. Not one of those cute ones either. The massive grin that you do when you lose a tooth? Yeah. That one. my eyes are shut as well. But That's not the funniest part of the picture. The funny part is Yowah's face. She's making this awful rat face that she said looks like Mike Myers from Austin Powers. Sadly I have to agree with her on this.

Her: "I'm going to burn that picture one day."
Me: "I'm going to put it on facebook."
Her: "Don't you dare."
Me: "Fine. If you ever get a job at the West End I will run around outside throwing these pictures around."
Her: "Wearing socks and a Nixon mask."
Me: "No. Socks and a bed sheet."
Her: "A bed sheet?"
Me: "You know what? Forget the socks. And it's a toga."
Her: "You're going to get arrested."
Me: "No I won't. They can't arrest me for being Greek."
Her: "The Greek won't claim you."

Just so we are clear... If any of you wonderful fans would like to help bail me out of jail one day, it would be greatly appreciated.
Also. Emily. I will know if you have read this post. Your laptop isn't that slow. Your fanfic can wait a few minutes.
Laters!

Yowah, Onecorn, and The Doctor

My sister is a huge Doctor Who fan. Since Sherlock doesn't come back on till 2014 here in America, I've decided to watch it as well. Though I don't take the fandom as far as her. She bought a sonic screwdriver the other day while we were in town... It's for her Halloween costume. Or the bigger fact is I think she just wanted one.

Anyway, I've been watching the disk right before her and it's gotten her rather upset. Since I haven't been "Watching fast enough" or something like that. I had the disk she wanted in my room so she had to come and get it. I have two locks on my door. Not because I'm like emo and anti-social, it's because I used to have some rather annoying people following me and would just walk into my room without asking. Even when I wasn't in there. Anyway one lock stopped working so I got another and then I changed rooms. Since I didn't feel like redoing the locks. Once changing the doors the locks well... locked. So now I have a locking knob and a deadbolt.

So I locked them both and waited for her. It didn't take her too long to realize I had it...

Me: "What's the password?"
Her: "Password? Give me my DVD."
Me: "That's not even close."
Her: "You know I can unlock this door."
Me: "Oh, I'd love to see you try."
Her: "Alright."

Instantly she grabbed the key to the doorknob, I wait a few minutes to see if she can figure out how to open the knob. She didn't. Which is when I decide,

Me: "Hey, why don't you try the sonic screwdriver?"
Her: "What?"
Me: "Try unlocking it with your sonic screwdriver."
Her: "No."
Me: "Well too bad. That's the only way you're gonna get this door open."
Her: "Fine."

I hear her stomp off and I unlock the door and go to get the DVD. A few minutes later I hear it make the normal noise and start laughing. After a second I say "I don't know if it worked. Try it again." She does. I was laughing like crazy. Finally she comes in and gets the DVD. She is wondering why I'm laughing so hard. I told her she should have tried it the first time. Because clearly she didn't.

Anyway back in her room I went to get something and she is sitting there laughing. Wondering if she's gone mad yet. After a few minutes she tells me about her friend, Onecorn, who doesn't watch Dr. Who. Yowah had been telling her about how she bought a sonic. She thought she had been talking about sonic... the hedge hog... No joke.
I could help but laugh like crazy with her. She thinks we are insane. But I'd rather be called crazy then normal. Normal people don't do anything interesting. Or that's what I think at least. Anyway, I can't wait to tell more stories of Onecorn.... and my insane Sister. (Who by the way, is older then me)
Laters!

Adventures With Yowah!

First of all the weather here is very very weird. This morning there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Beautiful day. Three hours later it was a horrible thunder storm. Now it's sunny, no clouds again.
Freak weather. You don't like it sunny? Wait a few minutes it'll change. Cold a problem? Don't worry, it'll turn into an oven in about three minutes. It's like someone it slamming their face into the weather controls.

Back to my adventure for today...

My Mother sent Yowah and I grocery shopping. The first time that we went alone together. I went alone the other day but things seem to happen more when someones with you. First we had to go to the bank. I was driving. On the way into town we see all these traffic cones sitting around for no reason... There were no work signs or warning signs they were just there. I wanted to hit one but Yowah told me not to since I was in her car...
You will rarely see Yowah drive. But today she kind of wanted to because we had to go to the bank. I have been to the bank before, alright? It's not that hard.
So we get to the bank drive through and I let down the window. Yowah says "Get me a deposit slip" so I go to push the box up but my arm is just a little too short. Not even an inch. What do I do? What any normal person would. I take off my seat belt and lean further out of the window. You are probably saying "Why didn't she open the door?" Well you see, I forgot that it opened. It's like a brain fart moment that everyone has. (If you say you haven't then your lying.) Anyway I lean out the window but the box seems to be getting further away. (Now that I think of it I might not have leaned out any further... I might have got into a different position and reached...)
So now picture this. A little white girl that looks like she's way too young to be driving, leaning now halfway out of the car window making all these noises that weren't really necessary. I don't know what was wrong with me. I seriously don't know. So I finally hit the box up and push the call button. I don't see how those girls behind the glass weren't laughing insanely.
When I sit back in my seat I remember something important.... There is a camera less then a foot away trained on me. Plus the mic is always turned on.... I sit there looking straight ahead and turning red because now I can never go back to that bank.
When the box came back I opened the door leaned out, got the box and handed it to Yowah. She was laughing extremely hard at my stupidity. After replacing the box we drove off. I still dread going back to that bank. But hey, I made some security guards day.

You think that would be it. The brain fart is over. Back to serious Crystal.
No.
Not by far.
We went on to walmart. I was looking for a parking spot and of course you never find one near the door. But I did... too bad I was going the wrong way to get it or so I was told by the side driver. (To be fair I could have made it.) So I drive around another 5 minutes looking for a spot. When we find one half way  out. So we go in and Yowah cannot figure out how to get the cart undone from the others. Of course there is a really cute guy behind us. But does that stop my brain from going insane? No.
So we went to the pet food to get cat and dog food. We were loading up the dog food when all of the sudden this really angry looking woman comes walking down the aisle yelling at the top of her lungs. I turn around confused because she keeps yelling and it looks like she's looking at me. I'm sitting there wondering how long I should wait before I ask what her problem is and she looks at me and says "Oh I'm not talking to you!" She laughed and walked off. She was NOT wearing an ear piece. I have no clue who she was talking to.
After that we go to the soap and toilet paper. When I pick up the paper Yowah says "They changed the baby." At first I was confused as to what she was talking about when I look down at the baby on the package. I tell her it's not changed, she's just being weird. I had noticed it weeks before. It wasn't new she just didn't look at the package to often. So she searches for a old pack. She eventually finds one and we get a ton of odd looks from these ladies in front of us.
Next we started for the cheese. I was distracted by cupcakes. (They were on sale!) I failed to notice she was still walking. When I turn around she is on the other side of the store with the disappointed look on her face. She calls me a fatty for stopping like that. I bet it's because she didn't notice them. (They were on sale people!!! What's better then cupcakes? Cheap ones!)
So we go off looking for hash browns. Normally we get a small pack. We didn't really know where they were so she took one said of the aisle and I took the other. We go down two or three rows before we find this mega pack that looked kind of like a light saber. It was epic. So we got it.
After getting a few more things with success, we go to the check out line. We find one with one person in it that has already checked out and everything! Lucky day! So we go in and Yowah starts to go around the cart to put stuff up there. As she's going around it she runs into the shelf and knocks over this massive bottle of peroxide and it hits like 50 itunes cards knocking them off.
Smooth.
She sets the bottle back up and starts putting things on the counter. The woman in front of us is still there talking as the other woman checks us out. I didn't notice but she put our ice cream in her cart. The cashier notices and tells her. The old woman apologizes and looks at Yowah and asks her why she just stood there smiling. Then this younger girl comes up and grabs another one of our bags and puts it into the woman's cart. I stood there thinking, "Everyone is trying to steal our food!" after a few minutes of explaining it people she was just standing there talking she left and we finally got to put our bags in our own cart. (Yay)

The ride home was mostly uneventful. The sky was blue again and someone had removed the cones. I was saddened by this but got over it by slowing just under the speed limit and watching this car behind me get really mad I don't see why, I was doing like 45 in a 50 mph lane. No biggie.

But that was our adventure for today.. It was a very weird one and it probably won't be the first time I forget the door works on the car... but maybe I'll get those sticky post-it things and put them around the car to remind me....
Laters!