The Very Unlucky Day

Saturday was not my day by far. How bad could one day get? Apparently it can get desperately horrible. Normally I only have one incident a day.... or two... Who's counting?
Anyway, my day seemed to get worse with every passing second. So that means I have a rather great story to tell.

It started off pretty good. I woke up with the house all to myself so that meant I could pig out at breakfast and no one would say anything, it's a good thing about days like that... Or so I thought.
I popped a tray of crescent rolls into the oven and started to check emails and facebook and other things like that. About ten minutes later I went to check on them. The oven wasn't even hot. I looked at the clock and the first thought in my mind is "Something is wrong" but sleepy me decides that I probably read the clock wrong when I first woke up. (Like normal) So I decided to give it a few more minutes. I run through the shower (Warning: this is just a figure of speech. You should NEVER run in the shower. You should also never dance to 'Single Ladies' in the shower. You can be seriously injured or you could break a hole in the bottom of the tub) But when I get out, the oven is still not hot. I even grabbed the pan! (Which is also a very stupid thing to do. Don't do it.) But it wasn't even warm. So I call my parents but of course neither of them answer so I sit there and look at my uncooked breakfast. I finally decide they aren't going to cook themselves so I put them into the toaster oven. (Fun Fact: Like microwaves, toaster ovens are completely incapable of cooking food correctly. Expect the worst.) This is when my Mom finally calls back and I tell her what's going on. She tells me to "leave the oven alone. You're Dad thinks it might explode"

... Let me just pause and say, That made me feel 100% better about the whole thing.

So, that is about the time I remember my breakfast. I really hate that toaster... Somethings it can cook wonderfully but others? My poor breakfast came out with the bottoms burnt to a crisp and some of the tops burnt as well... while on others, the tops weren't even done.
Needless to say I skipped breakfast.

Around supper time my Dad starts gumbo. It's always so good until he adds something that he thinks is missing. When it's not. So I have to stand there and watch him very closely to make sure he doesn't go back and add something that has no business doing in gumbo. Dad decides he has the taste he wants. Which is rare. So I had to 'sample' it. It was great! But overly hot. I burned the roof of my mouth. (Least it wasn't my tongue)
That's when I decide I need a short break from cooking. I had meant to finish cleaning all day. But of course I never got around to it. I leave him stirring the gumbo and go to get the vacuum.
While I'm cleaning, I notice a large spider in the corner behind my door. He had made a web over a hole in my wall. (Where that hole came from I have no idea... maybe it made it when it came in.) I can't very well hit it because it will go into the hole and escape! That's when this brilliant plan hits me. I can vacuum it up!
So I get the vacuum and start destroying the web... then the spider. It took maybe five seconds to be rid of the beast. Or so I thought... Less than a minute a later I hear a high pitched whine. I turned around and found that it was coming from the vacuum. After a minute it quits so I keep vacuuming. This is the worst mistake of my life...
A minute or two later I smell something disgusting, like burning plastic. When I turn back around I see smoke pouring from the the vacuum. I think might have screamed but I don't remember. All I really do remember is yanking the cord from the wall and tossing the entire vacuum out into the hall...
This is when my Dad leans over from his spot in the kitchen and sees me coughing and crawling from my room. He frowned at me and said "Having problems?"
I drag the still smoking vacuum into the kitchen and hand it to him. He looked at it and shrugged. I set the vacuum on fire and he shrugs.

I tried to explain it to him but he didn't really seem to give me much more of a reaction:

Me: I could have died in there...
Him: You can die anywhere.
Me: Yeah... but there was a greater risk of me dying...
Him: I suppose so.
Me: I think this was a sign. I should never clean my room again.
Him: I think you just ticked off a spider.
Me: ....Oh my gosh... That spider tried to kill me!
Him: Why did you try to vacuum him up. He was just eating the other bugs in your room.
Me: Dad, that thing was massive... Wait... other bugs? What do you mean other bugs?
Him: I mean the other spiders... What you thought there was just one?
Me: Dad! They saw me murder their cousin or brother or something! They'll come after me in the night and smother me in my sleep!
Him: Don't you mean attempted? He's probably still alive.

That's when I took the entire vacuum outside and set it on the front step... This didn't look good when my Mom came home. Try explaining to your mom that a spider set the vacuum cleaner on fire. It's not easy my of course my Dad did not help me out at all. He didn't even back me up!

In a course of one day, I successfully murdered my mothers vacuum, burned my mouth, and nearly blew up the house... I'd call that a bad day, wouldn't you?